The Bachlorette Sluts It Up for Another Year

I am not afraid to admit that I am a fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. You can say all you want about how smutty, obnoxious, vacuous, or stupid it is, but I find it to be entertaining television. Now, I have to say that I am not a series-long supporter. My first Bachelorette experience was with Jillian just last year, and since then, I have been hooked. I witnessed Jillian ho-ing it up in the fantasy suite and this past January, I saw Bachelor Jake cry just about every ten seconds (I mean, c'mon...MAN UP!). Now we are on to the 20th Bachelor/Bachelorette season with Ali, the one that ditched Jake for her "dream job"...which if you're being real, she was really just a secretary. Weak. But now she is back to find her husband (riiiiiiight) and so far this season has not been a disappointment. The men are total jack-asses, some are stage-five clingers...and Ali laughs more obnoxiously than a Tickle-Me Elmo. These are the ingredients of reality-show success. Also...after watching this week's episode, I am positive that Ali is a complete lush. She LOVES champagne and is a flip-cup champion. Hmmmmmm.

(Side note: I love how in this past Monday's episode, this guy named Steve...who I'm pretty sure that I have never seen before and has never been on a date with Ali...decides that during the cocktail party that he is going to bring the date to her with a blanket and bottle of champagne. And since Ali just lovessss champagne, she is excited. However, to Steve's chagrin, he can't get the fricking cork out. Bahahaha. Just had to share)

Now...a list of my front-runner Bachelors and the one's that are just so amazingly douchey.

Roberto (fave): This handsome muchacho speaks like five different languages, likes to travel and played baseball in college (nuff said for me haha). He also seems to have really genuine feelings for Ali and always seems to stay in the background of all the drama, which is always a plus. As much as the drama makes for superb television, it is just not at all attractive. I can totally see him making it to fantasy suite territory (bowchikabowwow). Also...his greatest achievement to date: becoming the youngest State Farm agent in the US. LEGIT!

Jesse (fave): The young gun of the group (he's 24 which is totally in my age range) had great chemistry with Ali on their one-on-one date that took them all the way to The Vegas. This sweet Mid-Western boy has the charm and intelligence to get him far. I willing to bet that he makes with the final rose ceremony with Roberto...and if he doesn't win, he could be our next Bachelor. I mean...he's a general contractor. He can put that off for 6-weeks to find his wifey, right?

Chris L (fave): He's one of my favorites mainly because he's from the Cape, which Ali should love considering she is a Massachusetts girl herself. I mean, they both love oysters...and more importantly flip cup! He kind of has a big nose though.


Frank (douche): After the second episode, Frank was one of my favorites to make it "all the way" so to speak. But after watching Monday's episode, he is starting to get on my nerves. After having a great date with Ali in Hollywood (which I would never take someone there on a date because it BLOWS), he felt "like he and Ali were already boyfriend/girlfriend", and has started to forget that he is on a game-show and that 15 other guys think that they are "bf/gf" with Ali. I mean, quit getting all whiny and shit when you see Ali kissing another guy. You do remember you signed up for a dating show, right? Quit yer bitchin' fool!

Jonathan (douche): This weatherman from Houston annoys me because he has a striking resemblance to a young Tom Cruise...minus the uni-brow of course, because he has to be on TV. Also, I'm pretty sure he's gay.

Justin (douche): He is a professional wrestler and is shaping up to be this season's Wes. While I think that he is a little more genuine than Wes, who scores 10 out of 10 on the "I'm only here to advance my ______ career" scale, he just seems a little desperate and annoying about vying for Ali's affection. Not to mention he acted like a total ass-clown when lying to the rest of the guys about visiting Ali at her house.

Craig M (douche): This Canadian (already a minus in my book, no offense to our neighbors to the north) is a hunk of USDA prime douche. I mean, the hair is a big give away. Not to mention how he thinks he is such hot shit because he's older and more "experienced." I'm sorry...but if you're 34-years-old and have to go on a dating show to find a wife, you need to seriously evaluate your life, man. On top of all of this, he constantly antagonizes poor weatherman (which as annoying as he is, no one deserves ridicule) and is really just an overall jabroni. I mean, the guy is "dangerous." I'm glad his ass got kicked out. So there!

You are DANGEROUS!!!

Stay tuned for future posts about this season's Bachelorette as the episodes come and go.