What is Wrong with People???

Seriously? Why do people insist that Cristiano Ronaldo is so hot (or as one of my collegues at KCAL says, "The hottest man on the planet.")?

I mean, sure, he may be somewhat more attractive than the average joe...maybe. But don't people know that guy is a tremendous douche turd? The man has no loyalty whatsoever and will go to any team that will give him the most money. This year's winner is Real Madrid...ew. I don't even think he would be loyal to his country of Portugal if another country were to give him money and gifts. I also can't think of anyone more self-involved. The guy totally knows that everyone thinks he's the shizznit and acts accordingly: douche-like. Have you seen his twitter account? All he does is posts pictures of himself!

And don't even get me started on how he plays. With all the flopping, the cheeky back heel passes that are completely unnessecary and the selfish execution of free kicks, the guy is just a selfish bastard. Case in point: his game yesterday against SPAIN. There were several times where he was actually fouled but didn't get the call because the referee was certain that Ronaldo had flopped. Why? Because he does it all the damn time! Why would this be any different? And what would he do when he didn't get a call? He would sit on the ground and pout like a three-year-old. Yeah...that's definitely sexy. I also don't understand how Portugal could name this primadonna their squad's captain. I mean, I can't think of anyone more selfish than him or someone that cares less about the collective result. I've said it many times before and I will forever say it again...the man is a douche.

Ronaldo...doucheeeeeeee

I feel like if people knew all this stuff about their "demi-god" Ronaldo, they would find him much, much, much less attractive. And now I have said my piece.

We Really Only Have Ourselves to Blame

I'm not going to lie, I am disappointed that the US couldn't sprinkle some more heroic fairy dust on themselves to beat Ghana, but they still put on a worthy display of tenacity and guts. Yet, I can't help but think that our inability to make it to the World Cup quarterfinals is all on us and us alone.

Part of the blame (if not most of it) should be placed on the shoulders of Coach Bob Bradley. It was certainly a head-scratcher that he decided to start Ricardo Clark instead of Maurice Edu, considering Edu played so well against Algeria. Also, if my recent memory serves me right, it was Clark's fault that Gerrard nailed his early goal when we faced England. And you know what happened today, Clark effed up again to allow Ghana to go up 1-0 in just the 5th minute. Good call on that one, Coach! Then, Clark committed an idiotic foul that granted him a yellow card, and Bradley finally subbed him off in the 30th minute...about 30 minutes too late if you ask me. And who did he sub Clark for? Edu! If he had started Edu in the first place, that would have saved him a substitution later in the match, which would have helped since we went into extra time.

Then Bradley also decided to start Findley up front instead of a Edson Buddle or Herculez Gomez, both who played well in the last game. Naturally, Findley couldn't get it together on the attack and he was subbed at half time for Feilhaber, who ended up playing very well! Another substitution squandered by the complete dumb-assness of Bradley.

Speaking of Bradley, let's turn some blame to his son, Michael. Now, he certainly wasn't the only American that couldn't convert a scoring opportunity in this game, but he definitely had the most quality chance. What it is that coaches tell kids when they start playing soccer at the age of four? Look to where you are shooting/passing the ball. Did Michael do that when he was one-on-one with the keeper and had about five yards of space? Uh...no, he didn't. Instead of looking up for a split second and knowing where the keeper was so he could shot around him, he didn't look and hit the ball one-time right to the keeper. That could have been our second goal and our ticket to the quarterfinals. But I guess you can try in another four years, Mikey.

And last but not least, what is up with the US's inability to keep the other team from scoring first and in the opening minutes of the game. It happened against England, Slovenia and Ghana twice (if you count both first half of regular time and first half of extra time). We managed to right ourselves three out of the four times, but the last time we just left ourselves without enough time to get an equalizer. Well...we are nothing if not consistent with the allowing of early-game goals, but it's something that really needs to stop if we want to continue and advance in these world-class tournaments.

All these in-game and coaching mistakes shouldn't take away the fact that quality run in an extremely difficult tournament. Despite making it to the quarterfinals like we did in 2002, our performance in this 2010 World Cup could give the US the push it needed to really respect the sport of soccer with the kind of respect it deserves, a sh*t-ton of it.

My favorites SPAIN are still in the tournament, but they have a tough match in Portugal this Tuesday. Best believe that I will be anxious out of my mind until then. And go Germany...and Argentina!!!

Spain vs. Chile Retro-Active Diary

You don’t need to tell me twice about how important this game is for my beloved SPAIN. It’s the moment of truth (if you want to get all cliché about it) where a win could mean winning the group and a loss could spell supreme disappointment for one of the early World Cup favorites. La Roja have dominated both of their first two games, winning one and losing a heart-breaker. Regardless of how much better this Chilean squad is supposed to be, I still believe that SPAIN will rise to the challenge and win by playing the soccer that the know how to play.

I am also testing out a theory I have. When SPAIN played their first game, I decided to wear my Fernando replica the night before and also had the misfortune of not being able to watch the game live. We all know how that game turned out. For their second game, I decided to not wear my replica and had a chance to watch the game live at work. And they won. I’m hoping that by watching the game live today and by not wearing my Fernando Jersey yesterday, they will be able to accomplish the same result. Call me superstitious or crazy, I really don’t care. I’m doing all I can to help my team.

With that final note, here is my retro-active diary from today’s SPAIN vs. Chile. As before, I guarantee there will be swearing.

Starting line-ups:

Chile: don’t know, don’t care

Spain: Casillas, Ramos, Pique, Puyol, Capdevila, Busquets(ugh), Alonso, Iniesta, Xavi(Chameleon Eyes), Villa, Torres(will further be referred to as “Fernando”)

Seems like Del Bosque is going with a more direct attacking strategy now that he has Iniesta back in the lineup. Certainly better than the down-the-wing attacking that the tried on Monday against Honduras. Also, when he is going to give Fábregas some love?

-5:00: National anthems…Chile’s sucks (of course). SPAIN’s is awesome. And Fernando looks wicked hot. Thank you on field cameraman who is doing pans of the team. What does it take to be one of those kids that get to walk out with the team?

-1:00: Del Bosque kind of looks like Inspector Clouseau. Just saying

0:00: And it’s on. SPAIN wearing their dark blue uniforms? Chile is in red. This is going to be confusing.

1:06: Fernando’s first touches. Tries to pass through a defender. Silly boy.

2:09: Pique stops some Chile attacking momentum.

2:19: Chile gets a pass behind the defense, but Casillas is there to clean up. Oof

4:05: A long ball by Capdevila that Fernando runs on to but the defender deflects it for a corner. Fernando has got to win those.

5:01: Chameleon Eyes on the free kick and 18 seconds later draws another foul. He definitely needs to play will if SPAIN has a chance.

7:28: Fernando with another bad touch. You better correct yourself before you wreck yourself.

9:00: Chilean free kick from some distance. Could be trouble, but the defense gets it. Followed by an uninspired run by Fernando.

9:42: another chance for Chile. Unacceptable. Thank God the attacker couldn’t keep his composure.

11:01: some of these Spanish passes are not connecting properly. Got to get their sh*t together.

14:52: Yellow card to some Chilean. SPAIN needs to take this free kick and start completing some passes. Chile is attacking hard, almost putting SPAIN off kilter.

17:22: I’m starting to get angry by the way SPAIN is playing. I know they can play better, and hopefully they will…like now!

18:56: Yellow card by another Chilean for donkey kicking Fernando as he is trying to pick up the ball. What a douche.

20:31: Another yellow for Chile. Now we see what strategy they’re going with. Keep it a tie and just foul on every Spanish player.

22:38: Stop giving up free kicks there! Honestly. My anxiety level is unusually high

23:50: ON MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!! Villa scores on an empty goal while the Chilean goalkeeper is out getting the ball from Fernando. Holy Shit!!!!! Can’t breathe!!! Villa is the f*cking man!!!! 1-0 SPAIN

25:30: Okay…I’m doing okay now. SPAIN just has to keep it together now. Well done Fernando for getting the goalkeeper out there. Now let’s get another one!

26:20: A Chilean asshole who already has a yellow just tactically fouls Iniesta. Lay off, buddy!

27:45: And Villa just sends the free kick all the way to Johannesburg. How about you stop taking those, yeah?

31:03: Gah…Puyol what are you doing?!?! Stop dicking around and get the ball out.

32:25: A couple of inspired passes by Iniesta and Villa only to be f*cked up by Fernando. Fernando…I love you as much as a young lady can love her favorite footballer, but you are sucking my dear. We might have to sub you for Fábregas. At least his touch should be better.

33:50: Chile gets down on the attack and thankfully Pique gets there in time to deflect it to the side netting. Might have just crapped my pants a little.

35:22: Hello, that guy just totally steamrolled Fernando! Where’s the penalty, ref? He clearly wasn’t going for the ball. Bullsh*t. That could have been Fernando’s

36:18: F*CK YEAH!!!!!! Some great passing between Iniesta, Fernando and Villa pases back to Iniesta for another goal. Ini-f*cking-esta!!!!!! WHAT UP HATERS!!! And a Chilean gets a second yellow for tackling poor Fernando. Eff you Chile! How about them apples? 2-0 SPAIN

38:18: Yeah, the foul on Fernando looks fairly soft, but when you have been playing that fast and loose with the fouling, it was only a matter of time before you got your second yellow. Have fun NOT playing in the Round of 16, you fool.

40:50: Chile on a tasty run down the side. Let’s not get lackadaisical now that we have a two-goal lead. Momentum stopped by Ramos.

42:58: Chile getting back to stupid fouls. More, more, MORE!!!!

44:29: Haven’t said this in a while, and normally I do whenever I watch Iniesta play: He looks like my old English professor, Dr. Appleby. There, I have it out of the way.

45+: Two minutes of stoppage. Let’s slow this down and knock out some good passes.

45+: Chile fouls Alonso…and he’s still down. Bring in Fábregas!!! Alonso hasn’t done sh*t this game.

Halftime: I’m definitely starting to breathe easier now after those two goals, but SPAIN still needs to step it up. This is FAR from their best soccer, and I’m sure Del Bosque will have some (not so pleasant) words with the team at half.

Also, while Fernando has had a hand in both of the goals, he needs to get his head out of his ass. His touches are awful and he needs more hustle on some of his runs. There are moments were he does seem to find some burst of speed. Still, the second half needs to be better all around.

At halftime, Switzerland and Honduras are tied. C’mon Honduras…teach those Swiss bastards about what happens when you mess with España!

Chile will most likely come out attacking hard. They will want to score a goal because if Switzerland manages to get one against Honduras, it will be “so long” for the Chileans. At least it would save them from having to play Brazil.

46:00: Second half under way. Let’s demolish these Chilean sea asses! (that was supposed to be like Chilean sea bass…duh)

46:48: What the f*ck? Chile scores? Defenders didn’t close in on him on time and the shot deflected off Pique. F*ck…Now I’m back to worrying again. Let’s get another goal to ease my worrying. 2-1 SPAIN

49:05: Certainly will be a wake up call for Spain

51:58: Hand to Puyol’s face. I know he’s not that attractive, but that is still a little rude.

53:57: Finally!!! Fábregas coming on for Fernando. As much as I love you Fernando, this is for the best. Let’s go Cesc!

55:05: Fábregas already with a superb touch. Where have you been this whole game?

57:25: David Villa…stop passing the ball. You are there to score goals, not pretend to be Xavi. C’mon!

59:59: Fábregas with a good chip to Villa but he can’t find the proper footing. He’s already shaping up as a wise substitution

62:08: Good ball by Chameleon eyes to Villa who falls is taken down but no call. Balls.

67:35: Villa sprints with the ball about 60 yards and wins a corner for SPAIN. Let’s do something with this.

68:08: Okay, I guess we’re not.

68:56: Chilean coach having a moment of silence…for himself.

71:39: A J. Martinez is about to come in for SPAIN. Who the hell is J. Martinez?

72:51: J Martinez comes in for Alonso. About time, though I’m a little worried that I have never heard of J. Martinez.

75:36: Iniesta just pulled a David Villa and launched that shot into the stands. Ugh

77:08: When was the last time the ref called a foul on either team. Seems like a while. Oh wait, there’s one…on SPAIN. Bah

79:05: Yeah Chilean…you were offside. Get over it.

80:00: Ten minutes left and I really have to pee. Must. Hold. It.

82:42: SPAIN has only had 56% possession of the ball. When was the last time SPAIN had less than 60% of possession? Not in the time I have been watching them.

85:10: Can’t hold it any longer. Gotta pee. BRB.

86:13: And I’m back…feeling a lot better. And Spanish and Chilean fans are starting to fight each other in the stands. The Chilean is dressed like a cowboy. This is too much.

88:01: SPAIN just kind of passing the ball around and Chile is letting them. Both teams are happy with the result and are going to let the game play out since both teams are advancing.

89:03: Cross by Ramos to the middle and Fábregas swings and misses. Oof.

89:44: Substitute David Silva has waited over 3 minutes to come on, but the ball hasn’t gone out of play. Bahahahaha

90+: 2 minutes of stoppage. Just 120 more seconds to redemption. C’mon SPAIN!!!

90+: David Silva is still waiting…and the game is over!!! SPAIN wins 2-1 to win Group H!!!

Wohoo…after days of anxiety, I can finally breathe a little easier. Spain manages to win Group H after losing their first game. They still have yet to play their finest game, and they need to step it up if they hope to have a chance against Portugal. Still…beautiful goals by Villa and Iniesta is enough to propel my Roja into the knockout stage.

And congrats to Chile for overcoming their devastating earthquake to make it to the next round of the World Cup for the first time in God knows when. Unfortunately, they will have to play Brazil, so it looks like their World Cup glory will be coming to a swift end.

It also looks as if my theory works. That means no Fernando shirt on Monday and I get to watch the game live in the comfort of my own home on Tuesday. Until next time…

They cut this quick...

To Whom Much Is Given, Much Is Expected

The US men's national soccer team has been given a lot. We have high-class facilities, a (semi)competitive league to play in, and if they're not about that, some European clubs have decided to take a chance on some of our players and allowed them to play for them, thus improving their game (Landon Donovan). Since much has been given to this team, they have a huge country's worth of expectation for this World Cup. After our last two first-round games, where we would give up goals before the quarter hour and have to employ a Herculean effort in order to pull out a tie, the US was not living up to their expectations. This morning's game was their last chance to prove that they were more than a disappointment, that they could keep it together and wait until, say, the 40th minute to concede a goal. By the time their game against Algeria was over, it seemed as if the US had skyrocketed past their expectations and gave the game that America knew was inside of them.

Now, I didn't watch the whole game live (which is why I didn't do I diary of the game today). Instead, I had to get ready to go to the Foxy. By the time I left my place to go to work, it was five minutes to half time. Luckily, traffic wasn't awful and I managed to hit several green lights in a row to get me to work at around 8:30. I briskly walked to the office and immediately turned the TV on next to my computer. Producer Matt wasn't there yet (which was weird considering he gets to work around 6am) so I had some free time to devote my undivided attention to the red, white and blue.

The game was in the 72nd minute, still dead locked at 0-0. At this point, I didn't know about Dempsey's shot hitting the post or the other disallowed goal or the fact that we were dominating this game but couldn't find the back of the net (sound familiar, SPAIN?). Time was weaseling, and if we didn't find a way to win this game, we would fail to move on to the next round. This failure would bring about immense disappointment to the team that was deemed our "best World Cup team ever." After a couple more missed chances and a missed red card by the referee (how could he not see the Algerian cold-cock Dempsey in the mouth?) and we were in stoppage time. All was lost. If we couldn't score in 90 minutes, how were we going to in the last four? But we hadn't played the 91st minute yet. When Howard caught the shot by the Algerian forward and hurled it down the field for a quick counter, I thought that this might be our best shot at a goal. Just a mere 11 seconds later, Donovan put the loose ball away into the goal.

No words that I ever write in this blog would do justice to the way I was feeling after the ball crossed the goal line. Yeah, I was beyond elated, but it also felt like I had been punched in the stomach and suddenly it became hard to catch my breath from all the excitement. I was bouncing in my desk chair and throwing my arms in the air. That was when our office manager step out of the conference room and was staring at me. All I had to say was "We scored," and my off-kilter behavior was immediately forgiven. In fact, she said, "Oh no, I can't believe I missed it." My heart rate was through the roof, and we still had four minutes of stoppage time. Algeria had one quality chance, but a foul in the box negated it. Then their captain got sent off because of a double caution. Somehow I wasn't phased by that. I was still on a high from the goal. Then the referee blew the final whistle and the US rushed the field in celebration. I almost cried a little bit. And it wasn't enough that this last-minute goal advanced us into the Round of 16, but it catapulted us to the top of the group, landing us into a somewhat more favorable quadrant of the World Cup bracket. It was just all too much.

It took me about two hours for my heart rate to return to normal, but I was jacked up for the rest of my work day. Then I got to thinking (which can be dangerous). These past few group games alone could bring about so much good for soccer in the United States. Yes, people were excited about a US-England showdown of the ages, but it wasn't until we were totally jobbed the referee-who-should-not-be-named that an entire nation of soccer fans and non-fans alike came together to support their team. Now, after this game where we pulled victory out of the jaws of a tie (and major disappointment), more people might be able to take soccer more seriously as a nation's sport. There is nothing more American than to pony up all your support for a team that has been screwed by an official and can somehow give out a big "eff you" by overcoming an adversity.

Now it's on to the knock-out stages, where it really REALLY counts. Where the size of your ball sack has to be at least three times bigger than it was in the group stage. Come Saturday morning, the US can either ride this success and exceed the expectation that has been placed upon them, or they won't rise to the occasion. Either way, people can't be disappointed. We can at least say that we are one of the best 16 teams in the world. That at least overcomes the expectations I had placed on this team.

One final note: what was up with that tennis match today? During the Germany game, Producer Matt and I were keeping track of this match over at Wimbledon. It was in the fifth set and the players had already played for five hours and had to postpone their game due to darkness. That's right...this match started yesterday! Matt and I started following when they tied at 21 games. We kept following until they got to 59 games...a piece. Theses guys played 118 games before they had to postpone the game again due to darkness. The game is easily ten hours long by now, and these nobody players have so many records that have no chance at all of being broken. I just hope that the game doesn't end before I get to Foxy tomorrow, because I want to be watching that!

What a total calamity...

Here's my running diary of today's USA vs. Slovenia game. Enjoy! I'm sure the comments will be extra zesty as I am up so GD early

I'd have to be a masochist to watch this game

I had the makings of a great day. I got up, got ready and drove to work in minimal traffic (which never happens in LA). I even managed to snag a four-hour parking spot (which also never happens). Even better, my favorite team in the World Cup, Spain, was playing their opening round match against Switzerland that morning. I felt like nothing could stop me from enjoying my day.

By the time I got to the bureau, Spain's game was already over. I was recording it on my TiVo and was looking forward to watching it when I got home. I told my producer to not give me any hint as to what the result would be, even though I assumed it would be favorable to La Roja. And why wouldn't it be? They are the second-ranked team in the world and they were playing a team whose country is more famous for its dairy products than its soccer. As I started my work duties, I got a text from my friend Levi that read, "Good morning." In retrospect, I should have been more suspicious of his salutation since I know he is not a Spain supporter. I replied to his text, asking if Fernando Torres (my favorite Spaniard and future husband once he divorces from his wife and infant) played in the game. He said yes and I was delighted, saying jokingly that this game would be worth watching. Levi then texted that "it was a memorable game." That was when my bullshit detector went off.

Being the realist (or pessimist if you like that word better) that I am, the word "memorable" seemed to carry a negative connotation for me. It made me think that maybe the Swiss were able to upset the Red Fury, thus making the game memorable. I told Levi that I was now nervous about the result and asked him to tell me as ambiguously as possible that I would not be disappointed with the match. He said, "Spain attack looked solid." I took that to mean that they looked formidable as always and my nerves subsided. I went on for the rest of the day thinking that I would go home and watch a Spanish victory...until this.

After I got home I had to go to the gym for a quick bout with the elliptical. I made sure that the tv attached to my machine was turned to any channel besides ESPN (since the run the World Cup scores on the crawl at the bottom of the screen) and went on with my work out. As I finished, I got down from my machine and glanced over at a nearby tv...which just happened to be on ESPN and just happened to flash the Spain score right as I looked over. That's when I saw the sentence that would change the whole trajectory of my day: "Switzerland stuns Spain 1-0." I thought that this had to be a typo or a cruel joke that was being played on me. But then I realized, this was ESPN and I'm pretty sure that they would report the game result in a true manner.

The air escaped my lungs as if I had received a Chuck Norris round-house kick to the gut. I was frozen in disbelief. How could they lose? Was this World Cup going to end in disappointment like all of Spain's previous attempts? It couldn't be so. I was so upset that I couldn't even continue my workout routine (weight lifting and lunges and such). I sulked back to my apartment and proceeded to call any of my friends who would care. I didn't get much sympathy from them. However, all of them told me that it was a great game, perhaps the best of the tournament thus far, and that I should watch it. I pondered for a minute or two. Would I watch this great game with all of its ups and downs even though I already knew the disappointing result, or would I be angry and bitter and not watch the game. I decided on the former, not because I wanted to torture myself while waiting around for the Swiss's winning goal, but because I still wanted to watch great soccer. And because I knew that it would somehow reignite the passion I have for Spanish soccer.

I've just finished watching the game, and I have to admit that it was possibly the best game I have seen over the last six days. Spain attacked with fervor and might, but just couldn't find the back of the net. There were mishits, hit crossed bars, misguided crosses, a couple of head-scratching plays (I'm looking at you David Silva!), and the Swiss's stifling defensive strategy that kept Spain of the score board. And if that wasn't enough, the goal by Switzerland's Fernandes was about as ugly as they come. Just heartbreaking. And Alonso's shot hitting the bar...I yelled and cursed aloud in my living room. Even Fernando tried his best while he was out there, but his lack of playing time from the last few months (he had a knee surgery in April) was pretty clear with his heavy touches. Then the referee blew the final whistle and I shut the TV off.

While the result was not at all favorable to me, I know that La Roja are going to find a way to bounce back. Now that they have wet their feet in the 2010 World Cup waters, they can come out and win games like they know how to do. This isn't like the NCAA tournament where teams can be one and done. Spain has two more games to prove themselves to be the favorites that they have been labeled for the last several months.

Now, I may have a few drinks in order to drown my misery, but I am definitely going to watch the last couple episodes of season 2 of The Wire (which if you haven't watch any of it yet you should because it is awesome!). At least that could be seen as an up-side to my day.

USA vs. England Retro-active Diary

The Revolutionary War, The War of 1812, The Beatles, BP Oil Spill, Simon Cowell…the United States and England have certainly had their run-ins over the years. Today’s game was definitely one for the ages. Here is my retro-active diary from USA vs. England.

Caution: I guarantee there will be curse words in this diary. If you don’t like it…too f*cking bad.

Starting lineups

US – Howard, Onyewu, DeMerit, Bocanegra, Cherundolo, Clark, Bradley, Dempsey, Donovan, Altidore, Findley

England – Green, Terry, King, A. Cole, Johnson, Gerrard, Lampard, Milner, Lennon (and McCartney), Rooney, Heskey

-05:00: The teams are lineup up to head out to the field. Gerrard is captain for England. He definitely wouldn’t have had this honor if Terry wasn’t such a slut and Ferdinand could keep himself healthy.

-3:00: National Anthem time. Ours kicks ass as usual. As the camera pans through the US lineup, I see that Onyewu is trying his best to look like a bushier Common. Our warm-up jackets are sick though.

-1:00: The captain’s coin flip. The referee looks like a nightmare. And why wouldn’t he be, he was suspended for six-weeks because of corruption. Great!

0:00: And we’re off. So far we haven’t screwed up so that’s good. Good news is Martin Tyler is commentating on the game. Bad news is John Harkes is also commentating on the game. This will probably not be the last time he is mentioned in this diary.

1:45: Fabio Capello looks like the anti-Maradona

2:18: Offside on Findley. Wait, Findley is black? Had no idea.
3:33: F*CK. One-two pass between Rooney, Heskey and Gerrard leads to a Gerrard goal. Well, we made it three minutes without looking like total fools. 1-0 England.

5:40: Dammit, Findley! We can’t attack when you are offside all the damn time. Get Buddle in there.

6:21: First foul of the game – Cherundolo taken down my Milner on the far side. Not sure I’d call it a statement foul considering Cherundolo doesn’t do sh*t.
7:09: John Harkes: “It’s important that the US keep possession now after the goal.” Duh, you think? You can’t score when you don’t have the ball you idiot.

10:10: Good header by Dempsey. At least we got the England GK to touch the ball. Header goals will be tough to come by when they have to attack against the likes of John Terry…even though he does dress like a homo a lot of the time (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

12:55: Third straight corner for the US. If we based wins on getting more corners than the other team, we would be totally dominating.
12:57: Donovan goes short to an unmarked Cherundolo, who then goes and passes across the field instead of shooting. Again, he doesn’t do sh*t.

15:16: This is unrelated to the game, but the people that live below me had their fire alarm go off. They need to cut that ish out before I stroll down there and cut it out for them…if you know what I mean.

18:03: We are nearly 20 minutes into the game and Rooney has barely touched the ball. This is good for the US because the less he touches the ball, the less likely he has a chance to step on someone’s nut sack.
18:17: Excellent cross by Donovan that Jozy nearly hits to goal. We’re getting closer…and Fabio looks pissedddddddd

18:55: Oh dear God! Lennon (and McCartney) got behind the defense and tried to cross it to Lampard, but luckily someone on the US remembered that we had to defend and got the ball away.

25:22: Seriously, all Cherundolo is good for is getting fouled by Milner. And Milner gets our first card of the game of persistent infringement. Now let’s get in his head so he can get another yellow. I believe Bob Bradley calls that the Douche Bag Strategy.

27:29: Close up of Lennon (and McCartney), who has those strips shaved into his head that all those Mexican and black gangsters have. Nice try, dude. You’re still English.

28:17: Crucial save by Tim Howard on a cross by Johnson. However, he gets cleated in the arm by Heskey. This can’t be good…considering his backup is like 40-years-old. And Seattle people know just how reliable 40-year-old GKs can be, am I right?
29:26: First shot of Becks on the sideline…looking and acting like he’s important when he’s really not.

30:12: Shaun Wright-Phillips goes in for Milner. Supposedly he’s been “ill”…and by “ill” they mean “totally sucking and dragging the team down out there.”

33:05: We’re getting some good crosses in, but can’t connect with the headers. Maybe we should try a different approach, no?

36:56: Tyler keeps talking about how Rooney had such a dynamite season with Man U and all his goals and what not. Maybe that was because Rooney WAS Man U after pussy-butt Ronaldo left the team.

38:08: Dangerous shot by Donovan that goes across goal. Hahaha…England GK Green is wearing a green shirt. That’s funny.

38:30: Yellow card for Cherundolo. Can you cease to exist, please?

39:37: Hell to the yeah!!! Green just pulled a Kasey Keller and lets a Dempsey shot go through his hands. 1-1 game! Certainly a soft goal, but I’ll take it.
39:54: The goal looks even better in slo-mo. And Becks looks very, very angry. I’m gonna go on a limb and say that Green will never get a free drink in England ever again. Bring on Calamity James!!!

40:31: Gah! US has a defensive brainfart and almost gives up another goal. C’mon guy! Don’t you know the five minute rule. Play hard in the first five of the half and the first five after a goal. Fundamentals, people!

42:44: Heskey gets a shin to the nose. Ouch…but rub some dirt on it, you blimey douche.
45+: US defense is cracking down faster. About fricking time.

Halftime: 1-1 game. That’s definitely better than I thought it would go after giving up the early goal. Though, if we didn’t have that f*ck-up, we would be winning. Now time to see the Green mishap from a million different angles. Let’s kick him while he’s down. Time for a potty break.

Just saw in add for the movie The Expendables. Did they just get every action star from the last 25 years to get together and make a movie? And the Old Spice guy is in it? ODOR BLOCKING POWERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

David James kind of looks like that Korey guy that was on American Idol who supposedly had that affair with Paula Abdul. Bring it, corn-rowed wonder! And it’s never a good sign when your nickname is “Calamity.”

46:00: Second half kick-off. Jamie Carragher came on for King for England’s second sub out of three. Now Capello has to be creative in terms of who he selects for his third sub. At least we still have Green in the game. This could get interesting.

46:59: Yellow card for DeMerrit on an intentional handball. What a dumbass.

48:00: Lennon (and McCartney) sneaks past Bocanegra to get a cross in. Luckily no one connected. But this is not looking good. Our pressure is starting to lag, like it does at times.

50:15: Rooney gets behind and almost capitalizes with a ball past Howard, but cleared off the line by the defense. But Rooney got behind the defense because he was offside. Oof.

51:21: Oh god…Heskey exploits the defense and gets a clear shot on…right to Howard. We seriously have to pull our heads out of our asses.

53:29: Who do we have on the bench who can go in on defense? Jonathan Specter and Clarence Goodson. Not very promising. And I don’t trust people named Clarence. I think Justice Clarence Thomas ruined that for me with his pube incident.

58:32: Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod. Onyewu in a footrace with Rooney. This can’t end well. But it does, thank God.

59:01: Carragher is booked on a slide tackle against poor Findley. When are we gonna get a yellow out of Rooney. The man is due!

59:55: Now Gerrard is in the referee’s book. I mean, he cleated Dempsey in the knee. The man is a dirty douche tard and likes to beat people up in pubs. He has to be stopped!

61:15: Free kick taken by Donovan is hit wide by Bocanegra. Hey Carlos! You can’t hit the goal when you are facing the opposite direction. Just an FYI.

62:47: Lampard (oh right…he’s actually in this game) has quite the left-footed strike from 25 yards out, but it’s deflected out of bounds by Howard. God bless that bald-headed man.

64:00: Jozy Altidore jets past Carragher and is practically one-on-one with the goalie and HITS THE POST!!! NOOOOOOOO why post, why?!?! (Side note: Jozy is nearly seven months younger than me. It makes me sick.)

65:49: Johnson has to leave the field because he has blood on his face. Get that off before you spread your nasty English diseases (not saying that he has any, mind you)

67:58: Lampard takes a free kick from 30 yards out. But of course, being Lampard, he totally over hits it and it sails over the goal. I’m glad some things never change.

70:34: Cross by Gerrard is hit just wide by Rooney and he nearly hits the post as he slides from his header. Why couldn’t he have just hit his head on the post and be knocked unconscious? Is that too much to ask?

73:15: Findley with a yellow for reckless challenge on Gerrard…which he totally deserved by the way. Now can we take Findley out and put in Buddle? The man can find the goal!

74:00: MOTHER OF GOD! Rooney…kick…barely wide…I can’t breathe. Gahhhhh

75:01: Tim Howard…God love you. That’s all I can say.

76:27: The ball has been on our side of the field for far too long. I don’t like it. If we keep this up, England is going to score again.

76:49: From my lips to Bradley’s ears. Buddle is in. Let’s get it on!

78:51: Peter Crouch is in for Heskey. We are now f*cked in the air. The man is like 11 feet tall. But he does have big teeth.

82:45: Dempsey is fouled in our box. He doesn’t look so good. He’s got to get out of there. He’s lagging on defense and doesn’t have enough energy to get up on attack. Can a get a Stuart Holden or Jose Torres? Anyone?

85:06: Rooney is complaining after getting fouled. Yes, this is good. Just one more foul and maybe he’ll pop off on Carlos Bocanegra. That would take care of a lot of our defensive woes.

85:29: Holden is going in…for Jozy. Not exactly what I had in mind but okay, Bob Bradley. I guess you did go to Princeton though.

88:18: After a rather lazy counter-attack, Donovan has a rip from far way…just over the top. Grrrrrrrrrr.

89:45: Cutaway of Becks. I bet he’s glad he’s not out there sucking it up like he normally does.

90+: 4 minutes of stoppage! For reals! This is like Sounders territory right now. Give us your Full 94!

90+: Crouch called for offside…except he wasn’t. Oops…but I’ll take it gladly.

90+: Herculezzzzzzzzzzzz! Oh wait…the game’s over. Guess he’s not playing.

Final: 1-1 game. Such a good, tense, exciting, frustrating game. We totally could have won the game too if our defense hadn’t had a lobotomy in the first three minutes and if Jozy didn’t hit the pole. Balls. But this is still a damaging blow to the egos of the Brits, since they thought that this would be an easy three points. Suck it guys, you still haven’t beaten us in a World Cup. Now Robert Green should just not bother going back home. It’s definitely not going to be pretty.

Also…Tim Howard is the F*CKNIG MAN!!!! Give that man a statue!

Now…I’m going to go clean out my underpants and take a deep breath. Bring on Algeria and Slovenia!

Yeah...I wouldn't get on the bus if I were you

It's a Messi Situation

Everyone (well...at least Argentinians) complains that Lionel "The Magic Man" Messi (I literally just made that up...I hope it catches on) doesn't perform as well for his country as he does for his club FC Barcelona. Well...I will tell you why. Because his Argentinian compadres are a bunch of dumbf*cks. That is the consensus I have come up with after watching the Argentina v. Nigeria game. Higuaín is absolutely worthless, Veron is really fricking old, and Tevez is really fricking ugly. With all that combined, it's no wonder Messi isn't performing. His teammates are dragging him down. So quit your bitching, Argentina, and maybe aim your frustrations at the rest of the team. The need to step the hell up.

Also, the Nigerian keeper played out of his mind today. Were this a Liga match, Messi would have had like 5 goals today. Still, I somehow find a way to blame the rest of the team.

Yeah...I'd be sad too, buddy

And so it begins...

The years of anticipation have finally come to an end. The two years of qualifying, the draw in December, the fluid roster changes...all came down to this morning with host nation South Africa against CONCACAFs second-best team and habitual World Cup underachievers, Mexico. I wasn't necessarily drawn to this game because of the two teams (as I don't really care about African football and Mexico is meh), but I was hyped on the pure fact that this was the beginning of my month-long soccer fest.

I had no expectations coming into the game...just a little groggy considering I had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to watch it. I turned the TV on real low so as not to wake my roommate and watched as the biggest (and greatest) sporting event in the world unfolded. The first half made me a little nervous, as South Africa was looking a little overwhelmed and giving Mexico some chances. Mexico's best chance came later in the half on a corner. They managed to put the ball in the net, but the goal was called back on account of the scoring attacker being offside. And he totally was. The goalkeeper had creeped past him, leaving just one defender between the attacker in the goal. For those that are not as aware of how Law 11 works as I am (from being a hot-shot referee and all), that's basically the definition of an offside. Yet, the two commentators, Martin Tyler and some other guy with a rather ethnic name (yet had a British accent) were convinced that this was a bad call and that the referees cheated Mexico out of a goal. Now, I know that since you're British that you think that you know all about soccer, but before you go and call the referee incompetent, please pull your head out of your ass and check the law book. I'm just saying.

The second half was definitely more interesting and entertaining. South Africa mounted a counter-attack and fed a lovely through ball to Siphiwe Tshabalala (which is the best name ever by the way) who one-touches it into the box and launched a rocket into the backside upper-V, past a diving Perez. Magical stuff, people...the kind of stuff that ignites the passion within an entire country. After that, the Mexicans appeared discombobulated, almost like they didn't think that they could possibly give up a goal to a team ranked 83rd in the world (Mexico is ranked 17th). Then just a few minutes later, SAs goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune comes up with a great save, further demoralizing the Mexicans. Then, because of a pure brain fart on the part of the South African defense, Mexico scores to even the game. Balls. As the game enters stoppage time, South Africa had an opportunity to win the game on another counter-attack, but the ball hit the post. Blast! Despite the tie score, the game was fairly exciting and got me jazzed for the Uruguay-France game coming up two hours later.

However, this game was not quite as exciting. France has a good team on paper, but there were worries that they wouldn't be able to put it together in time for the big tourney. And as for Uruguay, I only knew one of their players (Diego Forlan) and not much else. I thought that this would be a tight, hard-fought game. But instead, it was a pretty boring 0-0 game. France was okay, and Uruguay just played hardcore defense the entire time. Meh. Nevertheless, today was definitely a good way to get me pumped for the rest of the month, and I'm sure tomorrow will be even better. I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn again to watch my boy Messi dismantle Nigeria, and then...bum bum bum...USA vs. England game. Stay tuned to the blog as I plan to do a running diary of the game. Hopefully the US wins...and it forces Wayne Rooney to move into a shack up in Liverpool. I just really don't like that guy.

USC - University of Sorry Cheaters

A gauntlet has been thrown, my friends. The NCAA, the governing body of college athletics across this great land, has handed down some fairly damaging news to the University of Southern California. After a six-year probe into the university and it's football and basketball programs following their improper benefits scandals with Reggie Bush and OJ Mayo, the NCAA has decided to give USC and two-year bowl ban, four years' probation, a loss of 10 scholarships annually for the next three seasons, and (last but certainly not least) forfeits of an entire year's games dating back to the Trojans' 2004 national championship to the end of 2005. Talk about a kick in the nuts. There were punishments to the basketball team also, but I'm not going to talk about them because I frankly don't care about them that much, and I'm pretty sure most of southern California doesn't either.

Naturally, all of the Trojan faithful think that this punishment is extremely harsh and the university NEEDS to appeal the NCAA's ruling. In fact, the university is appealing, though I'm not sure that it would do any good. I find this punishment to be just and deserving to SC. I mean, this was a six-year investigation conducted by the NCAA, who I'm sure have a team of investigator where it is their soul job to find out if student-athletes are being shady. If there was cheating and benefits given to certain athletes, I'm sure the NCAA would have found it. And it's not like this case was based on speculation or he-said-she-said. This involved Reggie Bush accepting cars, a rent-free apartment for his family, and hotel stays from two sports agents. That's the kind of thing that is bound to leave a paper trail. These aren't things that NCAA isn't just going to pull out of thin air. Some might think that the NCAA is trying to sabotage USC because they are jealous of how successful the program has been and wants to knock them down a peg or two. I hardly think this is the case, considering USC gives the NCAA an ish-ton of money and USC makes a majority of this ish-ton through football. These sanctions will keep SC from making some ish-tons over the next couple years, which in turn keeps some monies from the NCAA. I'm sure they're not at all thrilled about that.

Now on to Reggie Bush. He made a statement today (that I got from ESPN) saying, "I have a great love for the University of Southern California and I very much regret the turn that this matter has taken, not only for USC, but for the fans and players." If he very much regrets that this has happened to SC, then why did he accept all these gifts? I know he keeps saying that he didn't except any of these lavish gifts, but clearly he did since he was found guilty. There is a rule in the NCAA Rules and Bylaws that says:

An individual loses amateur status and thus shall be ineligible for intercollegiate competition if the individual uses his or her athletics skill (directly or indirectly) for pay in any form in that sport.

Rule 12.1.2, people. Reggie broke this rule and now has to suffer the consequences. His 2005 Heisman might also be in jeopardy, and as much as he deserved the award that year, he would have to give it up because he would be deemed ineligible to play that season. Oof. As a college student-athlete, you need to know that taking money or gifts while you're still in college is a no-no. Sadly, Reggie isn't the first athlete that this has happened to, and he probably won't be the last. I know that all of it is tempting when you're in college and are a big sports stud, but you have to say no when you get these tantalizing offers. Part of the onus has to be on Reggie.

See ya, man. It's been real

Another part of the onus has to be on Pete Carroll. He was a coach that liked to have control over his team, and yet he had no idea that one of the most prolific players he ever had during his SC tenure was accepting illegal gifts from shady sports agents. I don't really buy that. He claimed today that he and the university had no idea that any wrong-doing was going on. But how can he be sure. He was one of the more media-friendly college football coaches during his time and hundreds of people could come and watch a practice. There was no way he could know that one of those people there was a sports agent piranha. And when you have such a high-profile player like Reggie Bush playing for you, you have to be extra vigilant about what they do and who they associated with. Also, all of this now brings into question on whether he took the job in Seattle because he saw a choice opportunity to coach in the NFL, or he saw an opportunity to high-tail it out of SC before the shit hit the fan. It's probably something we'll never know, but it's definitely worth thinking about now.

Lastly, what could all this mean to the Pac-10 (or the Pac-16 if things turn out the way they are shaping) and more importantly USC football. I feel that with the loss of the 30 scholarships over the next three years, this may provide some parity within the Pac-10. SC's large recruiting base is in southern California, and a lot of those kids would need some type of scholarship to even consider going to school there. Now, without these scholarships, these high-class athletes that would have normally gone to USC, will now be heading to other Pac-10(or 16) teams, thus spreading the California football love. As for USC, I think that they will somehow end up okay. Recruiting might be a little tricky with the loss of the scholarships and the bowl ban, but they will still be able to find good players thanks to their reputation alone. Also, by the time the bowl ban is lifted in 2012, there starting QB Matt Barkley will be a senior. After that, they'll be able to get more players in through the lift of the bowl ban, because why would you play somewhere where you had no chance at a bowl? I mean, this is USC. If any school could find a way to bounce back from this, it's probably them.

You can call me a hater for being harsh on the poor Trojans today, but really, I think they got what they deserve. There are rules about this set in place for a reason, and if you don't follow them then you need to be punished. Plain and simple. However, this does not take away the fact that I really want to see an SC game this fall haha. Yet, I'm going to say it now and I'm going to say it often...this is definitely the year of the University of Washington and Jake Locker. Pac-10 champs and 2010 Heisman winner. I'm calling it now.

The Bachlorette Sluts It Up for Another Year

I am not afraid to admit that I am a fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. You can say all you want about how smutty, obnoxious, vacuous, or stupid it is, but I find it to be entertaining television. Now, I have to say that I am not a series-long supporter. My first Bachelorette experience was with Jillian just last year, and since then, I have been hooked. I witnessed Jillian ho-ing it up in the fantasy suite and this past January, I saw Bachelor Jake cry just about every ten seconds (I mean, c'mon...MAN UP!). Now we are on to the 20th Bachelor/Bachelorette season with Ali, the one that ditched Jake for her "dream job"...which if you're being real, she was really just a secretary. Weak. But now she is back to find her husband (riiiiiiight) and so far this season has not been a disappointment. The men are total jack-asses, some are stage-five clingers...and Ali laughs more obnoxiously than a Tickle-Me Elmo. These are the ingredients of reality-show success. Also...after watching this week's episode, I am positive that Ali is a complete lush. She LOVES champagne and is a flip-cup champion. Hmmmmmm.

(Side note: I love how in this past Monday's episode, this guy named Steve...who I'm pretty sure that I have never seen before and has never been on a date with Ali...decides that during the cocktail party that he is going to bring the date to her with a blanket and bottle of champagne. And since Ali just lovessss champagne, she is excited. However, to Steve's chagrin, he can't get the fricking cork out. Bahahaha. Just had to share)

Now...a list of my front-runner Bachelors and the one's that are just so amazingly douchey.

Roberto (fave): This handsome muchacho speaks like five different languages, likes to travel and played baseball in college (nuff said for me haha). He also seems to have really genuine feelings for Ali and always seems to stay in the background of all the drama, which is always a plus. As much as the drama makes for superb television, it is just not at all attractive. I can totally see him making it to fantasy suite territory (bowchikabowwow). Also...his greatest achievement to date: becoming the youngest State Farm agent in the US. LEGIT!

Jesse (fave): The young gun of the group (he's 24 which is totally in my age range) had great chemistry with Ali on their one-on-one date that took them all the way to The Vegas. This sweet Mid-Western boy has the charm and intelligence to get him far. I willing to bet that he makes with the final rose ceremony with Roberto...and if he doesn't win, he could be our next Bachelor. I mean...he's a general contractor. He can put that off for 6-weeks to find his wifey, right?

Chris L (fave): He's one of my favorites mainly because he's from the Cape, which Ali should love considering she is a Massachusetts girl herself. I mean, they both love oysters...and more importantly flip cup! He kind of has a big nose though.


Frank (douche): After the second episode, Frank was one of my favorites to make it "all the way" so to speak. But after watching Monday's episode, he is starting to get on my nerves. After having a great date with Ali in Hollywood (which I would never take someone there on a date because it BLOWS), he felt "like he and Ali were already boyfriend/girlfriend", and has started to forget that he is on a game-show and that 15 other guys think that they are "bf/gf" with Ali. I mean, quit getting all whiny and shit when you see Ali kissing another guy. You do remember you signed up for a dating show, right? Quit yer bitchin' fool!

Jonathan (douche): This weatherman from Houston annoys me because he has a striking resemblance to a young Tom Cruise...minus the uni-brow of course, because he has to be on TV. Also, I'm pretty sure he's gay.

Justin (douche): He is a professional wrestler and is shaping up to be this season's Wes. While I think that he is a little more genuine than Wes, who scores 10 out of 10 on the "I'm only here to advance my ______ career" scale, he just seems a little desperate and annoying about vying for Ali's affection. Not to mention he acted like a total ass-clown when lying to the rest of the guys about visiting Ali at her house.

Craig M (douche): This Canadian (already a minus in my book, no offense to our neighbors to the north) is a hunk of USDA prime douche. I mean, the hair is a big give away. Not to mention how he thinks he is such hot shit because he's older and more "experienced." I'm sorry...but if you're 34-years-old and have to go on a dating show to find a wife, you need to seriously evaluate your life, man. On top of all of this, he constantly antagonizes poor weatherman (which as annoying as he is, no one deserves ridicule) and is really just an overall jabroni. I mean, the guy is "dangerous." I'm glad his ass got kicked out. So there!

You are DANGEROUS!!!

Stay tuned for future posts about this season's Bachelorette as the episodes come and go.