Champions League Boredom

Disclaimer: this is by no means an expert analysis of the game...just thoughts that popped in my head.

Well shit, guys. I guess Inter Milan are the new champions of Europe...which is extremely unfortunate but what can you do?

I literally just finished watching the UEFA Champions League final, or as the great mind of Eric Wynalda called it, "The Super Bowl of Soccer." Now, I have been looking forward to this final since probably last years Champions League final (which is probably still one of my favorite soccer games ever because Barca managed to make both Ronaldo and Rooney look like a couple of whiny douche pussy babies), so naturally I should be excited to watch this game. However, I became unexcited to watch this game on April 28th when Inter knocked Barcelona out of the tournament and kept them from defending their title as UEFA Champions. I really didn't care who was in the final, but I watched the game today anyway because I'm a soccer fan and that's what I do.

I probably couldn't have cared less about the German team Bayern Munich, mainly because I don't care too much about German soccer because I find it boring. But I decided to root for them anyway because it was better than the alternative...Inter. Bayern wasn't the team that bounced Barca out of the tournament...that was Inter. Bayern isn't coached by a huge Portuguese douche bag in Jose Mourinho...that would be Inter again. Those seem like two good reasons to root for a team.

This is the face of a douche.

Now I get back from the gym just in time for some FOX UEFA pregame show, starring the brain trust of Curt Menefee (who normally does FOX's football programs), Eric Wynalda (who is a moron), and former USMNT coach Bruce Arena (really, why is he here?). They go on blithering about how Inter is about defense and how Bayern are German. Thank you, Captain Obvious! Finally, those idiots are done talking and the game is underway. I am immediately bored. The announcers for the game were Martin Tyler and Andy Gray. I'm not sure which one was which but there were several occasions where I could not understand a bloody word they said. Like, I know you're English and stuff but I do expect to at least have an idea what you're saying...since we speak the same language and all. A few minutes pass and I find out that Dutchman Robben was playing for Bayern. Now, some people might be like, "How could you not know that?" And I didn't know that because, again, I don't really care about German club soccer. Anyway, I feel like Robben has been around for, like, ever...not to mention he looks like he's about 45-years-old. Except, I checked his wikipedia page and the dude is only 26. WTF?! He has got to be the oldest 26-year-old I have ever seen. I think it's the receding hair line. I don't know. But it seemed that every time he got the ball he would either get "fouled" or would kick it right into an Inter defender. Sorry...but last time I checked a solid soccer ball could not go through a human no matter how hard you kick it. Pathetic. And he was the best Bayern had since Ribery wasn't playing. Double pathetic.

More minutes pass and Diego Milito scores for Inter thanks to some lackadaisical Bayern defense in the middle of the box. Balls! We go into halftime and I have to hear more nonsense from Menefee and his dynamic duo. I get lunch. Then the second half starts and Bayern has their first...and last...solid scoring chance of the game. The game then becomes even less exciting than the first half and then Milito scores again. Double balls! Basically Bayern has only twenty minutes to score two goals if they at least want to send this game into overtime...which of course they are incapable of doing. They show a stat box talking about percentage of possession with Bayern controlling over 65 percent of play. Tyler and Gray talk about (I think) how Bayern can control that much of the ball but not score. Well...maybe because it doesn't matter if you have the most ball possession if you can't do anything with it. Having the most ball possession doesn't win you games. I believe scoring more goals than the other team is how you win games...call me crazy.

The referee finally blows the whistle and Mourinho and his Italian minions go off celebrating. Since I didn't care to see any of this, I turned off my TV and came here to write a blog entry about how boring and ultimately disappointing this game was. All I'm saying is that the Barca vs. Inter semifinal leg should have just been the final. Bayern was nowhere near a worthy adversary for Mourinho and his merry band of douches. They were just...boring to watch. Maybe that's what I get for watching too much Barcelona soccer aka GOOD SOCCER!